Dear Conrad -- This girl, and me, we both disagree on a lot of things doctrinally, and I don’t think that really matters, because both our beliefs are doctrinally sound (i.e. we both believe Jesus is the only way.) We disagree on things like Calvinism and Arminianism. Would it be wrong for us to some day get married? Should a man and wife only get married if they agree on everything doctrinally? And is there scripture that would support or disprove that? In Christ, Micah.

Dear Micah,

This is a great question. Most people don’t realize how important it is to be on the same page with your spouse.

God obviously wants us marrying other Christians. The New Testament carries forth the prohibition of marrying non-believers (2 Co 6:14, 1 Co 7:39). But assuming you are both believers, now you have to answer the question – what is the purpose of marriage?

A common but misleading answer would be procreation. If that were the sole purpose for marriage, then there would be no commands against intermarriage with non-believers or even polygamy. Marriage obviously goes beyond pro-creation.

Let’s look to when God created Eve. (Gen 2: 20-22) “But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.”

“Helper”? A helper for what? The word helper assumes something – that Adam was created for a purpose. Adam had something to do and Eve was supposed to help him with it.

Now think of you and your possible spouse. You have a calling, an individual purpose that God has given you. Your possible spouse has a calling as well. These callings of course exist for God. God has given you something to do on this earth.

So marriage comes in when you can put your callings together and accomplish them better than if you were apart. Thus you two together are stronger servants of God than if you were separate.

In this way marriage exists for God – and not simply for our pleasure. Marriage, like everything else in the universe, exists for God and not us. Love and Joy from a marriage are added blessings to a marriage but are not the reasons for one.

So now that we’ve covered why marriage exists you have to ask yourself, is our difference on [insert doctrine here] going to prevent us from helping each other carry out our callings? Will it hinder us from carrying out our God given purpose? Why would God want us to add something to our lives that prevented us from serving him? Is that doctrinal divide so huge that it prevents you two from working together?

If it is, then you might want to wait. If it is not, then good for you.

When you consider these things you begin to see how we can make our marriages exist for God like they should, and not make them idols for ourselves.

(Note: This answer is not meant to cover all aspects of marriage, but the ones pertaining to the question).