Dear Conrad – I have been in a relationship with this guy for a few years and we are not married, but have had sex. I was not Christian when this began (he was, but said that it didn't bother him to do it because he loved me so much), but I have been for a couple of years now and I don't know what to do about it. I thought that we would always be together, but now it looks like he is breaking up with me. I feel slightly used and, well, unclean and I am not sure as to what I should do. I feel like if I end up marrying someone else that that person will think that I am a bad person because I had sex before him (I plan on waiting until marriage with the next person that I'm with). Any help with this situation would be great. Thank you, Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

We all make mistakes and we all sin. That of course does not excuse us or allow us to become complacent about our sin. God hates sin - but he does forgive.

1 John 1:8-9 says it well, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

This of course is not just saying, “Hey God, I did this and that – deal with it.” It’s a heartfelt repentance and submission. According to this verse, true repentance brings forgiveness and purity. Repentance is a form of submission to his will.

God also says in Psalm 103:12 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Being forgiven by God makes you a virgin in his eyes (assuming you’ve stopped that particular sin).

But that doesn’t mean your future husband will think the same thing. We all have to deal with the consequences or our sin. Hopefully he’ll be godly about it and not assume any superiority over you in terms of the amount of sins we’ve committed in life – but you never know. At least your relationship with God will be good.

There is no reason to feel guilt after you have repented and submitted to God’s will of sexual purity. Guilt is a form of lack of faith in God’s forgiveness. When repentance is properly done – it should bring us to a humbleness before God. It basically says, “God, thank you so much for forgiving me.” Guilt prevents us from saying those words and truly appreciating God for his wonderful attribute of forgiveness.

But also don’t confuse wishing you’d never made those mistakes with guilt. We all wish we’ve never made the mistakes we have and we should never feel proud of our past sins – but we should realize our present forgiven state before our loving Father.