We all want to do God’s Will and find the person who is right for us. But we have a hard time practically carrying that out in real life.

Even before we get to dating, we have to get to the purpose of marriage. Because of course dating is ultimately trying to find out whom we are going to marry.

Plainly speaking, everything created in this world is for God, including marriage. So how in the world is marriage for God?

If we look to Adam before Eve was created we read, “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (GE 2:18). So a helper for what? God gave Adam and Eve stuff to do. God gave them a calling. Adam and Eve were supposed to help each other fulfill their calling. That’s what ultimately marriage is about – helping each other fulfill their God given calling.

So what was their calling? “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it’.” (GE 1:28). This is not just pro-creation. Adam and Eve were created to worship and serve God – this was their calling. So on the earth existed two worshipers of God. God wanted the entire earth filled with worshippers of God.

So marriage was designed to:

1. Help each other fulfill their callings of worshipping and serving God and
2. Making and raising new worshippers of God – thus filling the earth with worshippers of God.

Now what verse does the very first command given to man remind you of? “And you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8).

The very last command Christ gave to us is the very first command God gave to us: Fill the earth with worshippers of God.

That’s what marriage is for. It’s designed in worship and service of God. It is not simply for our own happiness. Which brings us to “The Trap”.


The Trap

What in life is supposed to fill us with complete joy? When are we complete?

If we truly look to God for our sole comfort in life, then why are we so lonely? Are you truly happy with just you and God? Or do you need someone else in your life to make you happy?

If that’s the case then ultimately we are saying to God, “Your love is not enough for me. God, you are not enough.” That is when we try to fill our unhappiness with something else.

And that is called idolatry. It could be money, power, popularity and relationships. Even if you are 90% happy with God - that means you are still 10% idolatrous. And of course we wouldn’t want our marriages to be idolatrous.

So how do we make sure we are not using our relationships as idols?

You have to ask your self and honestly answer – “Am I truly happy, and don’t feel loneliness when it’s just God and me?” When you reach a point in your maturity where you are truly content with you and God, then you’ll be at a point where idolatry isn’t an issue with dating or marriage.

The next question is a question of spiritual maturity. Just because someone is content alone with God doesn’t mean they are mature enough spiritually to enter into a relationship. And just because YOU are - doesn’t mean the other person is as well.

And just because you are okay with you and God, mature and they are mature, that doesn’t mean they are the right one for you.

So at what point is it safe to date? You are complete with just you and God, you are spiritually mature enough, they are complete with just them and God, and they are mature enough to date.

So this gets us to – who should I date?

Let’s get this first criteria out of the way first. Christians shouldn’t be dating non-Christians.

2CO 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? [15] What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

If marriage is for God, and we are helpers to make the other one fulfill our callings better – how will a non-believer help your walk with God? How are you supposed to help them worship and serve God when they deny him? They can’t.

That’s not to say that this person may never be a believer and you’ll never marry them. But it’s for sure to say, while this person is a non-believer, you are not to date them. Don’t be impatient with God’s timing.

The second criteria would be the stuff we talked about above. Maturity.

The third would be actually figuring out - who is the one for you?

Marriage is about helping each other fulfill their God given calling.

Why would God have two people together where one is an isolated missionary to Mars for the rest of their lives and one is to stay in Iowa? How is it possible they are to help each other in their callings? To a lesser degree is how we see our relationships as well. Does this person have the gifts, talents and resources (calling) to make me a better worshipper and servant of God – AND do I have the gifts, talents and resources (calling) to make them a better worshipper and servant of God?

If you have callings that are incompatible then that either means you are not to marry them, or you are not to marry them right now.

One thing we like to do as humans is live by our timetable and not God’s.

But by being mature, being content with us and God, by being patient, we’ll be able to see better who is right for us and at what time – better than if we were immature and impatient.

Remember marriage doesn’t make us any happier with life.

We should be completely happy with just us and God. 100%. Marriage is supposed to be an ADDED BLESSING, on top of that 100%.

You see how this makes our marriages God centered and God focused?

Or course there are about a million things more to consider than what I’ve written in this short article, but I hope this gets helps out a little in your attempts to seek after God’s Will.